Weight-loss, Fitness, Running

Weight-loss, Fitness, Running

Weight-loss, Fitness, Running

Weight-loss, Fitness, Running

Friday, July 17, 2015

Forgiveness is a work in progress

I've survived, but have I forgiven? I try every day, I truly try and forgive the unforgivable. It's been 7 years and 2 months, not a day goes by that I am not reminded of that e-mail I received on May, 28 2008, Subject "Why don't you let me go?" 

It was an e-mail from my Mom.  Shouldn't your Mom be the one person in the entire world that loves you unconditionally. Who would do anything for you. When that is shattered as it was for me, it has to change you. How can it not? 

Running has helped me come to terms with letting go. I've run through anger, hurt, tears and sadness over the last 5 years. I've put on enough running miles, but have I out run myself enough to 100% forgive? I truly would like to stop being in pain from the hurt its caused. I've tried looking at the situation from all perspectives and I just can't rationalize the why, or the harsh written words to never speak again or have any contact. To be shut out, unloved, and thrown away like garbage . 

I don't want to spend my entire life not being able to forgive. While I have moved on and am thankful for those that are in my life and want to stay.  I am still a work in progress on forgiveness.  

We all have struggles in life. I'm trying to find ways to move past mine in a healthy way by taking care of me and my family. To know what kind of person I want to be in my children's lives. We can't go back, we can only move forward one day at a time, one step, one breath... when I am having trouble forgiving.. I remember to just breathe.. relax and this too shall pass. I will be okay. I can survive the hurt, anger, disappointment and sadness. It's all part of life, but this letting go really shouldn't have been part of mine.. and in that, I need to learn to forgive my mom.... 
 Me on a trip out East to visit family.. at an age where your mom and dad are your whole world..